[insert your life here]

It's strange for me: this year the moments in my life are qualified by the paper. I was about to sit down and write to you all and the first sentence that came to my head was, "The third issue is out now..." and I was going to discuss the presumably scandalous illustration on the cover and my friend's genius response to it, but now... I think I will head elsewhere.

I am struggling with balance right now: specifically, balancing my time and attention. Time wise, I find I spend drastically less time studying. Has time disappeared? No. (though it often seems this way) Time is like energy: it doesn't vanish, it is transformed; it moves to another place, changes state, etc. This year I have found myself spending much more time with people (as opposed to being with my lovely books). I can't walk across campus anymore without running into someone I am dying to talk with. It's a blessed curse!

We often discuss here at Trinity whether online, "virtual campus", classes detract from the university experience because so much of that experience is (catch phrase) living in community. and having discussion with people. With online classes you merely get facts thrown at you with a little discussion available in forums and such (but we all know how edifying and challenging text talk is [sorry for the sarcasm: in a few situations text talk really can be stimulating]). People opposed to online classes say a significant part of the learning experience is face to face contact outside of the classroom, and I must say I agree!

So here's my current wondering: where do you draw the line? I get a lot of discussion these days, but not a lot of reading. So what I am finding is I have a desire to discuss the material but not a lot to discuss except from what I gather from lectures. But the process of talking about it forces you to think about it in a different way so that you can then verbalize it and so your knowledge and understanding grows from that as well. I love discussion and wish I could do it all day long. I love reading and wish I could do it all day long. So, I think the perfect solution would be for me to become super human and no longer require sleep so that I could discuss all day and read all night.

Since that solution is obviously not going to work, I need to discipline myself more and spend some quality time in my third home: the library. (mars' hill being my second home)

As to trouble balancing attentions: that is something between God and myself.

The redemptive eye theory I was so keen on last year is creeping up on me again. I just got back from a concert in the LC where during the last song all I could think of was praying to God that people would be impacted through the music pouring from these talented hearts. God is all, is in all, and is the start of all; so naturally people should be able to rise up into intimate communion with God through something so musically powerful and pleasing, and through the aesthetically powerful and pleasing.

There was also a lecture I went to tonight about biblical themes in contemporary art (and I wonder where the time for reading goes...). The slides for the lecture brought me back to SAM (the Seattle Art Museum) and the strange affect a ceiling mosaic had on me. I laid on a bench and stared at it for 20 minutes. The complexity of the situation gripped me and I was amazed at how such an verbally inexpressible thought could be captured in tedious brush strokes. The mosaic spoke of man's depravity and the spiritual battle between God and the devil (ironic how this event took place during a time when I was struggling with the spiritual realm and its existence).

It was one of those masterpieces, like a beautifully arranged song, that just suffocates you: it makes your lungs cry for depth and understanding. It makes your heart hurt for more. I believe that longing is not after the masterpiece itself but after the beauty of the creation and ultimately the beauty of The Creator. It's a small sample of our soul's longing for God.

I love art in all its varied forms for that very reason: it leads me to the hands of God; and there I can appreciate the true masterpiece.

Do you ever feel guilty for enjoying this life so much? I feel like a freshly opened, well-shooken carbonated beverage today! I attribute this to two things:

1) I got nine hours of sleep last night!!!!!!!!! and,
2) God has taken the driver's seat in the vintage land cruiser known as my life.

2/4ths of me wonders if this bubbly joy is perpetuating a facade that blocks all the ill things I don't wish to concern myself with. But the other 4/6ths of me knows God wants His children to be happy and joyful because He is in control of their lives. So I opt to be joyful in my God and impart that joy on the people I come in contact with.

weapons of choice: a sharpie and a big smile!